Frankie's mom

To say that these past 2 months have been horrific is an understatement.   I have been an emotional basket case going between bad and really bad days.  I've shed so many buckets of tears that I thought my body could not produce any more...crying when I talk about it, crying when I talk to Frankie, crying when I think about it, crying when I'm driving,  crying when I drove by a school yard and watched a girl play Frisbee with her dog - her normal, healthy dog,  crying even when I was swimming... good grief!

I've prayed to God...how could you do this to one of your creations?  Please make her better.  Please end her suffering.  Oops...don't take her away from me,  just take her suffering away.

I so want Frankie to be healthy,  I so want her to be a normal dog.  I miss her twice daily "woo woo" as she reminded me that it was time for food.  She would do that with her teeth clenched and her lips would puff up - sooo cute.   I miss her wagging tail.   I miss her running into the woods to find a bunny and come out 5 minutes later and 100 feet away from where she entered.  I promise her that if /when she can do that again,  I won't get upset.

I've had friends ask if I'm mad at the rescue organization.   Hindsight, I do think that they should not move dogs out of vet care unless they are completely healthy...including diarrhea cleared up. I get that they have to balance costs and so want the dogs moved into foster homes as quickly as possible.  Beyond that,  no, I'm not angry.  They did not or could not have known that this would happen...none of us could in our wildest dreams have predicted this.

And to realize that all the dogs Young and Frankie came in contact with are still healthy...it's just rotten luck...Frankie is in that 1% of vaccinated dogs that still come down with distemper.

I've had friends say they'd never adopt from a rescue..stick with the breeders, it's safer.  But it's not.  A friend bought a dog from a breeder that had had distemper.  Not all breeders are reputable and take proper care of their dogs...there are articles every day about animals being kept unsanitary, unhealthy conditions.   I still think rescue is the way to go... you are getting a dog that has been in foster care, they have information on their temperament and personality...and if they have been sick,  rest assured, they are not going to adopt them out until they are healthy.

I've gone through stages of guilt and what-ifs.   If only Scooter had not died,  if only I had gone to Michigan to visit my sister - with either of these scenarios I would have held off on fostering.  The pups would have gone to another foster home and Frankie would still be healthy.

Writing this now,  looking back,  I can safely say these have been the worst 2 months of my life.